Addicted to Food! Yuck!!!!
|Posted by Tajanator on August 20, 2009 at 7:28 PM||comments (0)|
I am very depressed today.
I was sooooo hungry at lunch time that I totally wasted my diet and had Weinersnitzel.
I wasn’t the kind of hungry where you are genuinely hungry and can die if you don’t eat… I was the kind of hungry that was tired of turkey sandwiches and apples, tired of slim fast shakes and bars, sick of oatmeal and cream of wheat.
I wanted something with flavor that would leave me completely fulfilled. You know, when you diet and are done with a “meal” you never feel like you have actually eaten a whole meal but rather that you have had just one in 6 snacks throughout your day.
I can’t help but think of days like Thanksgiving for example, where you are done eating and feel like you could literally explode if another morsel of food passes your lips… and then you manage to deflect the explosion enough for that piece of pie that sends you over the edge… now you literally will pop if you move the wrong way.. and must sleep if off because it hurts so good! That piece of pie that could have killed you by turning you into a human soap bubble being chased by a 2 year old where you not only pop of your own accord but are obliterated with a single movement. Yea… now THAT is a fulfilling meal!
Today I felt like I needed to treat myself to a near explosion. I went to Weinersnitzel and ate- half of a large order of fries (171cal), 1-chillydog (290cal), 1-mustard pretzel-bun dog (400cal), 1-BBQ bacon dog (380cal), and a large diet soda (0cal). That is a total of 1241 calories in one meal!! My diet has taken me to about 300 – 400 calories per meal and usually not over 1000 calories for the entire day! I just ate a day and a half in one sitting!
And… I feel like I am carrying a small Wienersnitzel baby… yuck!
My depression comes in the moment after my first dog. I kept eating even though I knew- right there- that I was no longer hungry. The first dog filled me up and I was done, and then I had 2 more dogs and some fries!!! I don’t understand!! What made me forget about my diet and go there in the first place? What made me keep eating through my stomachs cries to stop almost as soon as I began?? I am so concerned with being in control of the things around me and I can’t even control myself! It is really depressing.