So. I have had guy friends almost my whole life. Cris, my husband, is even OK with my having guy friends because there is nothing to worry about as they are all obviously platonic. Mostly they have been guys who I can geek out with. They usually like a lot of the same movies, TV shows, etc. that I like.
I just lost a very good friend today. He told me he had feelings for me (I was soo blindsided) and I had to tell him goodbye. It sucks -but- I can’t be friends with him if he has feelings for me; I’m married. I had to tell him goodbye & I also had to remove him from my phone & social networks… 🙁 petty as that seems, I feel it was necessary…. unavoidable…
Now, I feel weird about having guy friends at all not just now but also in the future & my husband I’m sure feels the same way. Now, I have to specifically choose females of which I usually don’t get as easily along with due to the fact that I hate shopping, & I love sci-fi & junk. I will hopefully find a cool chick one day that I can geek out with, that loves Star Trek, Doctor Who, & the like, and can hang & watch movies or TV for hours on end in marathons… this is just not typical with chicks. Most chicks I hang out with are more into the talking, drinking, shopping, etc. I feel like this might make things more difficult in the friend department.
I hope that my friend can be OK with my necessity to cut all ties. It seems mean, in a way, but I see no other option. Staying friends at this point would just be weird on all sides… not to mention that by cutting ties, it should be easier for him to move on? It is just bizarre that this type of thing was pointed at me… I just never would have guessed it…not in a million years.
On a good note:
I have been working out daily for over a week now. I have been in positive thinking mode. I feel good about myself in many ways which is abnormal (except for the losing a friend thing – I don’t feel so good about that). And, I really feel my depression subsiding. I have even completed three books in the last week that I have been trying to read for quite a while now. That is amazing because I feel like it really means I can focus better.
I guess mostly what I have learned is that no matter your age, life is always a surprising place. This year has brought many new surprises. Things I took for granted as one thing have become another. Death is now very real. People can be lost to us for reasons other than death. Situations can be so out of control that there is no fixing them. Depression can end. Motivation can actually happen. And most of all, the person you think you know more than anyone -yourself- can actually still surprise you. I have found this to be the best surprise yet. I am still working on myself (drinking less is in the roster) but I am moving toward good things. As many setbacks as have come along…I don’t feel completely dragged down like I used to. This is good. This is what I will focus on.
So this year has been weird…