I had one of the worst dreams I’d had in a while, last night. Cris coldly told me that he’d had enough, I was not going to get better, and he had to think of his own happiness. Even being around me anymore was like torture. He was divorcing me, and leaving me immediately. He didn’t want any more contact with me, he was done.
The dream led me down a rabbit’s hole of loneliness and deeper darker, scarier depression. I was extremely distraught, and no one cared. Everyone thought Cris did the right thing if for no other reason, than for Bronson.
Cris was gone, my son was with him, and I had no rights to see him. I was so hysterical in the dream that I was crying, but choking on the lump in my throat. I was having an anxiety attack, unable to breath or to see any sort of light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up with the lump still in my throat. Unable to do anything but to get it out, and allow it to happen, I started bawling. I couldn’t catch my breath, even after I awoke. Cris woke up at this, and asked me what was wrong. I couldn’t reply at first. Then I told him. He seemed annoyed and told me its not real, to get up and walk around for a minute or go to the restroom so I didn’t fall into the same dream again. I did. When I got back in bed, I felt hallow. I was restless and unable to go back to sleep for almost an hour.
Worst dream I’ve had in a while…