Today, I found out I am 4 weeks pregnant. I am totally freaked. I took two home tests to be sure, then got an immediate appointment with my Gyno to confirm; she said I must have conceived on the 10th (crazy!). I am freaked because I, in essence, have an internally formed parasite creeping into my guts. I am freaked because we JUST went to the doctor THIS month on 10/8/13 to discuss fertility (WOW our doctor deserves an award) since it seemed I wasn’t going to get pregnant… I am freaked because pregnancy may be all natural and normal and stuff but it is so scary and really crazy if you truly consider all that my body will have to do to essentially build a Human from internal bodily scraps. I am also freaked about being a mom. I have just never thought of myself as a maternal sort of person…and I don’t want to traumatize a human that I am in care of. And, of course, I am freaked about giving birth!!!!! It never looks fun, EVER. Not in the books, not in movies, not even in comedies. You can DIE from it! Did you know that more women are dying of childbirth today than were in the, say, 1950s?? Google it. I am not lying. So many complications can happen to the mom, to the baby, to my psyche… Lastly I am freaked because I soooooo don’t want to miscarry again. I am mostly scared about losing it. We are not telling anyone yet about the pregnancy just in case. Well, actually, we have told many immediate family and best friends…but most of our family & friends won’t know until 2nd Trimester. By then my risk of miscarriage will severely decrease. I just don’t want a bunch of condolences this time if it goes wrong. I don’t want impersonal facebook posts on the subject, or quotes or cliches or “well wishes” or “prayers” or the other crap that people think they have to say when, in fact, it just reminds me over and over of the loss. This is our way of avoiding that. Once I get to 2nd Trimester, we will announce and this blog will be posted…not before.
As of today I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have been having pretty mild symptoms so far. My morning sickness hits every other day or so and lasts from 1 to 9 hrs consisting of mild to moderate nausea – nothing too crazy. I found out that I know two other family members who are also pregnant with me. My step-step-aunt-in-law Christine is 2 months ahead of me, and my cousin Jacqui is only 5 days behind me. I am excited to have female support in the family that I get to complain with! I am already doing MUCH better than last pregnancy. Last time I had already started bleeding quite a bit by week 8 and, of course, I lost it by 11weeks 6days. Last pregnancy I had more symptoms than I do now which was off-putting for the worrier in me. Today, I went to the doctor and she gave me tons of relief by telling me that I was growing normally and that I am 8 weeks along in size as well as actual weeks – right on schedule. She also told me that my symptoms have nothing to do with the health of the baby which I am sure I already knew…but it was nice to hear. I go back in 3 weeks for my first ultrasound –at 11 weeks. It will be nice to have a doctor visit in the week that my last pregnancy ended; more reassurance will be needed by then.
12/12/13:First Ultrasound, at 11 Weeks
I am 11 weeks as of today. I had my first ultrasound and got to see Baby for the first time.
Creepy!!! There is a body in there! (In the actual pic, you can also see tiny bent legs and feet!!) But also, very good sign that the doc said all is normal as could possibly be.
I caught a cold the day before Thanksgiving that lasted way too damn long, and was twice as severe as a the common cold has any right to be…and of course the ONLY medicine I can take is Tylenol and Benadryl but I found some mild relief in those stiff bendy nose strips that stick to your nose and open your nostrils for sleeping; but oh how I longed for nasal spray. The cold is gone though symptoms persist. I don’t think my sinuses will clear until after winter. Much of my morning sickness has gone but has been replaced with entire-body-achiness, constant headaches, dizziness, and insomnia… The achiness is really the worst though…it makes everything harder and everything else more intense. The headaches alone would not be so bad but with an entire body of aches it makes me queezy and crazy dizzy. I asked the doc how much Tylenol is too much Tylenol and was glad to hear that the bottle’s recommended dosage is ok to follow…because it says “no more than 12 tablets in 24 hours which is a crazy-lot and not a mark that I will probably need to hit. My tummy is beginning to harden where before it was just bloated/swollen. I have been losing an average of 3 pounds between doctor visits but I can tell that, although I am visibly losing weight in my face & arms, my belly has found what was lost. I am not officially “showing” yet but I may as well be. The belly is worse than post thanksgiving-gluttony and doesn’t seem to be letting up. I am sure I will have no relief until August… that is depressing. My next doctor visit isn’t until after the 2nd Trimester mark so I am much more positive about the outcome of this little guy▬ (we don’t know the sex yet, but I keep saying “he” instead of “she” or “it” so until the doc says otherwise…).
I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer. I announced online today. I love my announcements… they are geektastic. I will probably print/mail them too since not everyone is on social media. Plus I just want some of them printed just because. Now I can complain about shitty symptoms publicly!!! Yay! (But in all seriousness, it has been really hard not to complain online, all to keep a secret in.)
12/23/13:Taja’s First belly bump picture at 12 1/2 weeks.
I posted my first baby-bump pic!!!
I was not really sure it was the baby but I realized a few things… a) I lost 10 lbs since I found out I was pregnant, which would normally make my tummy much flatter than it started; my arms and hips are smaller, but the tummy is more pronounced. b) There is a crazy-hard bump right below my belly-button.
So, yea… baby bump!!! I also tried on an old pair of jeans just to see how much weight I have lost… I couldn’t believe I fit into my size 11s!!! I didn’t even have to squirm on the bed or floor to get them zipped, they zipped right up no problem!
Strange… I guess all the not feeling well, and weird food aversions is helping in that category. From what I hear, it is pretty normal to lose weight in the first trimester then gain it plus more in the last couple. I will be sorry to see my weight go back up again since this is the first time I have fit into size 11s in a couple years.
Even more amazing? As my ass grows smaller, my boobs are getting bigger! I have already had to jump to a size C and even that is becoming tight! It is awesome but also not-so-much when I inevitably won’t get to keep them.
I felt the baby move for the first time today. It was a tiny little bubble-like nudge in my belly right under my belly button where the hard rock is forming. It was super bizarre but it was neat to see where the little one is in there. ♥
Also reminding me of the little one is a sudden onslaught of crazy not-feeling-well-ness. I am pretty sure that this is what I skipped in the morning sickness stage…a little late but apparently unavoidable. I haven’t felt well in a while now and am worried it won’t go away. ugh… Oh, also, you know that awesome feeling when you have to stretch so you reach your arms up all long and arch your back for a nice stretch through your whole body and through your limbs? Yea, no longer possible. I have to keep my body from arching and stretch only the arms now. It feels odd and uncomfortable to try to stretch my body, not like pain, but like a warning that it is not something I should be doing. That goes the same for coughing and sneezing. If I am not in a hunched position with either, then it hurts my midsection. Its weird and lame.
I still felt pretty rotten for New Years so I went to my moms in my PJs to watch movies. I fought a headache all night while enjoying some awesome movies with the family. I was super sick all day so I was really glad when it seemed to let up a little, so I could at least have company for the holiday. Cris had to miss the holiday for work, just as he had for Thanksgiving & Christmas this year… damn job.
SECOND TRIMESTER, HERE I COME!!!!!