Well, I knew it would happen eventually but I never expected my nervousness.
I am pregnant!
I started my period a few days ago but it never got past the spotting stage (which can take days for me sometimes) but then, instead of getting heavy flow, suddenly it stopped. That was when I realized I should take a test just in case. I took the test on Saturday at around 4pm and the line was there -faint but there.
So, I decided to take another test first thing Sunday morning since it is supposedly the best time to take that test… and I did so at 6am Sunday – the outcome was a positive result with a much darker line.
Anyway, so I am pregnant. I am fairly worried this time due to my stupid health issues since my last pregnancy. I am now on prescription meds which I wasn’t on last time. I am currently taking Thyroid pills, and have been taking antidepressants over the last month as well. The antidepressant is Bupropion (Wellbutrin). Apparently, it is a Schedule C drug meaning that no adverse effects have been reported for pregnancies, but that no real tests have really been done either. The pharmacist told me that the doctor will probably keep me on it. I don’t think I can do that. Schedule C isn’t good enough for me. My baby’s health is a long-term thing and I only get one chance to build the kid right. I can always get right back on meds after the new baby is born. I have never been severely depressed anyway and have dealt with it for this long without meds so I don’t think it will be a big deal.
The pregnancy is still extremely new so anything can still happen… but I am looking at this as positively as I can. This is my 2nd baby. But it is also my 3rd pregnancy. I know how it feels to lose a pregnancy and I really hope I never have to experience that again. And I really hope that this all works out perfectly.
Zika Virus. This stupid virus is not very common and is mostly outside the US. The only reported US cases have been in individuals who have traveled out of the states. So, while I am still very worried due to the horrific birth defects this has caused, I am trying to remain positive and not let my anxiety take over.
Depression. Since I have decided to wean myself off of depression meds, there is a chance that my anxiety and depression will not be very controllable during the pregnancy. I really REALLY hope that the pregnancy hormones compensate for this. Last pregnancy seemed to fix my emotional issues for a short time so I am hopeful.
Bronson. I am so worried that my pregnancy will cause me to not be able to take care of Bronson as much and that Cris will have to take over some. I don’t want Bronson to see me pulling away, and then a new baby comes… and that whole newborn thing could make him feel so unwanted since newborns require so much attention in the beginning. Bronson is my favorite thing in the entire world so I am scared that the love I will have for a new baby will make him think he has been replaced. I love him more than anything and can’t imagine loving anyone as much – but babies are babies, and hormones are hormones, and I know that I will love my new baby just as much – though it is hard to imagine. And I don’t want Bronson to …. Ugh. I am circling. Anyway, I just hope I do it right and Bronson doesn’t feel any bad emotions during this whole thing.
Work. My due date, if my calculations are correct will be June-ish. Tax season is April. I will be fairly huge by April and probably not up for the challenge & stress of working late, weekends, etc. like last year. I know from experience that stress is handled very poorly by my body. And tax season might not be an option… shit though who knows.
Weight. Yea I know, its only baby weight, blah blah… but I am so overweight right now. And pregnancy is already uncomfortable enough as it is without adding extra fat to have to contend with. I am really scared that my extra weight could help with things like preeclampsia and stuff too… swollen ankles, etc. I think it will be much harder to be fully pregnant this time around.