My life feels like a whirlwind of disappointment, misunderstandings, frustration, and disorder.
My “life reset” is a fucking joke. Although many of the points are achieved easily, it has done nothing to better my life or experience thereof. Lets recap:
- Never get drunk
- Read more
- Blog more
- Follow through in watching TV shows
- Get on a schedule
- Eat better food (and less food)
- Be more active.
Booze?… Even though I’ve only gotten drunk once since before Bronson was born, this was a goal because getting drunk sucks now. So, I pretty much don’t drink at all anymore Only the occasional glass of wine and not even the full glass sometimes. But this also means that I am not interested in going to parties or to anywhere where my friends & people are getting drunk. So now I apparently look like a bitch who thinks I am better than everyone. Awesome.
Reading more is easy when you are not-having of a social life. So, yay me.
Blogging more… sorta. Yay me. Who cares anyway. Its not like anyone will read this anyway. Its why I renamed my blog to “public diary” a while back. Its sheer lack of interest has morphed this site into a place for me to vent rather than for anyone else to read.
TV shows? yea whatever. Who gives a shit, right?
Getting on a schedule happened because work happened. But now I never see my son and I am tired all of the time. Also, my home life has been worse because I am apparently bitchy all of the time, and tired all of the time, and “shouldn’t be working” according to some.
Eat better? Be more active? Yea right. I am nearing my starting weight from our Year of Hell. This is not a good thing. My starting weight in 2015 was bigger than I have ever been due to many sudden health issues from post partum thyroid issues. So kiss my fat ass, I am obviously not doing well in this department.
So, fuck off.
I am not trying to better myself any longer. I am only trying to get through the day, and week. My only happiness is my son — who I feel as though I never see anymore. So, welcome depression. Its no wonder I am having issues again. My life is currently the equivalent of living paycheck to paycheck… except for sanity being my currency. If something doesn’t change soon… geezus fuck!